The commercials flood your television promising you love is just around the corner; the advertisements encourage you to stop wasting your time and find your true soul mate. It would seem to be simple enough - look at the fun they're having on their actual first date! They're laughing and smiling! Why not get started TODAY?
I have used the online dating market more than I would care to admit. My last three relationships have come as a result of online dating. I do not regret that at all, in fact, I am grateful for it. However, in my most recent exploration with these sites that guarantee you will find love, I have felt nothing but frustration.
I think the frustration is deeply connected to my employment situation. I am trying to be as focused and optimistic as possible when it comes to work; however, it is more challenging than I would like to admit. Last Friday I completed a six-week edit course, where I learned two new software programs in addition to AVID. No employment is guaranteed; however, I would like to think this addition to my resume certainly makes it stand out even more.
Thursday night I have a date and while I am not yet nervous for it, I am barely excited at the possibility of what may come from it. I am over my most recent relationship and I am ready for what's next; however, due to my work situation I do not think I am ready for love. It has been said countless times, "You can't love someone, until you can love yourself." It is not that I don't love myself - I do, very much so. But I simply feel I need to continue to focus on me these days. I need to solidify my inner compass, to strengthen my professional life. As a result of the strength, I believe I can become a better partner. My most recent relationship, I often found myself sacrificing my own happiness, to make my ex feel loved and happy at all times.
One of the biggest worries I have always had about being in a relationship with someone, are the financials. My previous job did not pay me well at all - in fact, what I was paid could easily qualify for minimum wage, considering the hours I put in. At the time, I was dating someone who could barely make ends meet - taking any type of temping job she could land. While some temporary assignments pay very well, they can end at any time. She never seemed to have a plan for full-time work, other than pursuing acting and comedy. I guess I need a sugar mama. This is not to say I would live off of her hard earned money, it would be nice for our incomes, when combined to reach nearly six-figures.
The frustration can also be linked with the fact that no one seems to reply. I find myself scrolling through profile after profile. Perhaps I am too picky, but I know what I like and want in a woman. This is not to say that the other women on the site don't; but I am beginning to have a very hard time understanding why people don't seem to respond. It takes me almost two hours to find at least 10 women to write. The women who reach out to me, are women I could never imagine being with. Say whatever you need to say, but I just have, well, standards.
When I write the women I am attracted to, I find something within their profile that stands out to me - or makes me curious to learn more about them. Is it so bad to have that personal connection in the first contact? It is not as if I am writing a novel to them; on the contrary, I'm writing a three sentence letter, that's complimenting them. Of the 20 women I recently wrote on one site that I am on, two, yes two, have written back. Two is better than one or none. But naturally a game is presently being played. They read the note that very night and didn't write back for three days. Naturally, I wait for two for my reply and now I am going on a week waiting to hear back from them.
This is not unfamiliar territory for me. It's almost expected at this rate and quite frankly it's annoying. Sure, I am not fully ready to date seriously; but what is the deal with these women? My notes are far from perverted or rude. They're thoughtful, friendly, and sincere. And guess what? In all of their profiles, they write about wanting something "real", "no more games", "an intellectual conversation" - all of it. So what is the issue? Why do so many people who join online dating say they are sick of the bar scene, yet hide behind this wall that is the internet? What will it take for people to break down the walls of the internet and take a leap?
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