Get Dirty

Covert Affairs is a fun summer television show that I have grown to look forward to watching every Tuesday night at 10. Last night I nearly backed out due to the cold I have been battling these last few days. But of course the thought of seeing Piper Pierbo hustling after criminals in a suit and stilettos managed to lure me in - and it proved, once again to be well worth the later bedtime.

Piper's character is about 28-30 years old, new to the CIA - actually, she moves up to special operations within days of her arrival at training due to "an extreme need" for someone of her qualifications and zeal for the job. Instantly thrust into this new lifestyle set in our nation's capital - Annie Walker (Piper's character), is left little time to think - she must act on behalf of the greater good. Yet with each episode, we learn a bit more about Annie and her past, her present and what she might feel like she's missing out on in the future. Piper's always been a favorite actress of mine - while she may not fully capture my attention the way a Meryl Streep does (and who truly can - because Meryl is legendary); or make my heart swoon like Rachel McAdams or Keira Knightley does; Piper's acting is sincere, it's genuine. For me, watching Piper is almost like watching a friend figure her way out of a problem - puzzlement, yet enjoying the challenge. Or when she's trying to talk about something that is gnawing at her, there's a realness to her that most actresses of her age and a bit younger seem to lack.

Last night's episode had Annie struggling with trying to get information out of a former CIA operative. She didn't like the idea of using the man to get what she needed from in order to potentially solve her case. It didn't seem clean. Annie talked to a former director of the CIA over scotch and he simply stated to her that everyone plays in the mud in this business. Annie's expression said it all. She didn't know if playing in the mud was worth it, to lose her inner compass, her essence.

Sometimes in journalism, to get what we need, we must take the next step - it may not always be legit, it may dance on the cusp of being unethical - some choose to ignore their moral compass, the ethics they were taught in school - the basic principals of the industry. Fair and balanced television stations scream. Welcome to the mud slinging.

Both these professions have an allure, a mystique - a sexiness if you will. Glamor. When talked about, the response from outsiders is generally the same - "you have the coolest job!" "what's it like working with celebrities?" etc. Push someone in either of these industries enough and you will learn it is far from glamorous; it is not anywhere near sexy. In fact, there's a huge part of me that says, "sure, if you hate your family and want a new, uproariously dysfunctional one - then please, take my job".

These professions can be brutally lonely for the single - and perhaps even those married to a partner outside the industry. Or maybe that's where they get their balance - someone who doesn't know anything about the industry, someone who does not care - someone they can come home to after a long day and talk about something drastically different. But when you are single in these professions and you see friends and family members settled or beginning to lay the foundation for their stability, there's a part of you that cannot help but think when that might come for you. If not now, when; if ever?

So I ask myself how dirty do I want to get in the broadcast journalism industry. How much mud do I want to sling to get what it is I think I want in life? How long do I continue to question my passion without simply just throwing my hands in the air and saying, this is the path designed for me? And that's just it - it's about ME. Not the guy across from me in the viewing room; not the girl who answers the phone with that obnoxious drawl. We may talk about how we are a team - a sports network - we must all come together on game day to produce the best product out there (after all, we are the Tiffany network - nothing but the best should come from our trucks, from our studio). But on the off days, on the practice days - it's every man (er, woman) for themselves. It's a dying breed - remembering those who assisted you in your hour, your moment of need and complimenting them in your review. Your career is like a chess match, making your next power move to conquer the board. It's all about you.

Ironic. I have struggled mightily over the years about making myself the focus of practically anything and everything and I managed to enter one of the most ego driven industries known to mankind.

This season at work will be one of lessons and opportunities. I must not back down, I must not shy away - keep pushing the envelope; keep digging a little bit deeper within. It's not about worrying how the guy two cubicles down is over exerting himself for all the wrong reasons. It's about me - it's about the foundation I have laid within my company; it's about the cement that is drying and about the new levels that are being erected.

Building ones career is like building house - there are many levels, additions, demolitions, substitutions, hesitations. You've got to be open in your career - you cannot close a door simply because it doesn't fit within your blueprint. Grab hold of the paintbrush, swing the hammer, sharpen the ax - you're building something and while it may be dirty now, it certainly has the potential to become a masterpiece.