I think I might have a crush on you again. Then again, I don’t know if I ever stopped
liking you. We saw each other at your party for New Year's. I ventured out to Brooklyn to see your new apartment that you share with your girlfriend of at least two years (though, I know there was a break or two in that time period).
We met in 2007 at the Network. It was your first job out of college and I was new to network television. I had previously held a few production positions, but this new job was a big break for me. I could not have been more excited about the opportunity.
Sometimes when we reminisce about our first meeting - you like to point out your very specific memory of me. I find this to be rather delightful that you have such a detailed memory on our meeting; however, when it comes to other things - you always say that I am the one with the amazing memory.
There I was standing at the photocopier in my button down, dress pants and flip flops. I hadn't had a chance to change into my heels - as my supervisor asked me to copy something as soon as I walked in the office. But what completed the ensemble, was the fact I was tossing a basketball back and forth between my hands while waiting for the copies to be finished.
You came into the copy room to get a few things - but I wouldn't be able to tell you what. I don't remember meeting you at all. My appearance left a mark on you, you would later tell me; that from that impression alone, you knew I was gay. To this very day, I still laugh at this.
The meeting I do remember is that Tuesday night in October a group of us elected to go out for drinks after work. I struck up a conversation with you, introducing myself, since I didn't recognize you - I was immediately drawn to your personality and humor. You were also quite cute and pretty. There were at least 10 of us at the outing, but you and I, for the most part kept to ourselves. We talked about sports, music, television - and at one point, I outed myself to you. I never felt comfortable doing that, but for some reason, with you, it felt natural; but most of all, it felt safe.
The night wore on and before we both knew it, it was very late and we both had trains out of Penn Station to catch. We ran out of the bar laughing, as we fell into each other. It was the first moment of silence we shared. I remember hearing both our mouths swallowing, we looked into each others eyes and our heads tilted. The beer filled buzz, pushed us closer - or maybe we really were attracted to each other - oh, fuck it. We fell into each other and there began our very long lip tango - all the way to Penn Station and it continued at Penn Station. In fact, I walked you to your track at Long Island Rail Road and it continued there too.
I was smitten immediately; you not so much. There was someone else in your life, but you didn't know how serious it was, since you had only just met her a few weeks earlier. But that did not stop us from getting to know each other. We would instant message throughout the day; I would go visit you on your side of the office for long chunks of time - but they only felt like minutes. It always felt so easy with you. I also liked how you poked fun at me - I always deserve a good ribbing and you knew just how to make me laugh.
You became girlfriends with the girl shortly thereafter, but our friendship strengthened. Nearly a year later you told me that if we weren't co-workers, that things might be different for us. Nine months later we were no longer co-workers, but you were newly single. You were needing space from anything involving commitment - there were random one stands that you told me about and I quietly wished I could have at least kissed you. Then again, I too was going through the aftermath of a break-up and it was consuming me.
A couple of years ago you started dating your current girlfriend. I like her, but sometimes, I get the impression she's watching us like a hawk when you and I interact. Perhaps it is our body language or the excessive amount of laughter that occurs between us. You have broken up with her a couple of times, for reasons that need not be mentioned here. During those times, you spoke openly to me about the hurt that she had caused you. Ironically, I too was going through similar hurt with my ex-girlfriend. But nothing ever happened between you and I.
When I lost my job, you were the second person I called - after all, you had left the Network two years earlier and at that time, felt I should leave too. You offered me so much support and encouragement. Even via the telephone, I could tell how much you cared and felt for me. I was crying and yet, you didn't seem to be perturbed by it. You listened and made me laugh.
Whenever I see you, I feel my body immediately get relaxed - I feel so good around you. You really know how to make a girl smile. You encourage me, you seem to just truly value me for me as a person and I couldn't be luckier. When I entered your apartment on the last day of 2013, our eyes locked and we both smiled. "HEYYYYY!!!" We both exchanged a very loud and silly manner. Our arms went flying up and out and we approached each other for a terrific hug. I know my mind went immediately to thinking what it would be like to kiss you. This thought crossed my mind at least five times during the night and I reversed my decision to sleep over. I knew I couldn't stomach sleeping on the couch, knowing you two were both in bed only a few doors down.
You always call me out when I dwell on things' or when you think I am being mistreated (my ex-girlfriend was a prime example) - you know me better than I know myself sometimes. I love that about you. As the night came to a close, you were drunk, as was your girlfriend and I was slightly stoned. There were a few other people there and we were all sitting around the living room. Your girlfriend leaned in to kiss you and then you and I locked eyes, just like that night in October 2007. I felt my breath tighten and could hear myself desperately trying to gain some moisture in my mouth. My head immediately went down, but I was able to see your head move away and down from your girlfriend's request for intimacy. I don't know if this struck you the way it struck me.
I am so lucky to have your friendship and that is why I am hesitant to say anything. I also don't want to say anything because you seem to be happy with your girlfriend now. You have seemed to work things out despite the pain she caused you. That you were able to move on. This is why I fear my feelings might just have to go forever undisclosed.
We met in 2007 at the Network. It was your first job out of college and I was new to network television. I had previously held a few production positions, but this new job was a big break for me. I could not have been more excited about the opportunity.
Sometimes when we reminisce about our first meeting - you like to point out your very specific memory of me. I find this to be rather delightful that you have such a detailed memory on our meeting; however, when it comes to other things - you always say that I am the one with the amazing memory.
There I was standing at the photocopier in my button down, dress pants and flip flops. I hadn't had a chance to change into my heels - as my supervisor asked me to copy something as soon as I walked in the office. But what completed the ensemble, was the fact I was tossing a basketball back and forth between my hands while waiting for the copies to be finished.
You came into the copy room to get a few things - but I wouldn't be able to tell you what. I don't remember meeting you at all. My appearance left a mark on you, you would later tell me; that from that impression alone, you knew I was gay. To this very day, I still laugh at this.
The meeting I do remember is that Tuesday night in October a group of us elected to go out for drinks after work. I struck up a conversation with you, introducing myself, since I didn't recognize you - I was immediately drawn to your personality and humor. You were also quite cute and pretty. There were at least 10 of us at the outing, but you and I, for the most part kept to ourselves. We talked about sports, music, television - and at one point, I outed myself to you. I never felt comfortable doing that, but for some reason, with you, it felt natural; but most of all, it felt safe.
The night wore on and before we both knew it, it was very late and we both had trains out of Penn Station to catch. We ran out of the bar laughing, as we fell into each other. It was the first moment of silence we shared. I remember hearing both our mouths swallowing, we looked into each others eyes and our heads tilted. The beer filled buzz, pushed us closer - or maybe we really were attracted to each other - oh, fuck it. We fell into each other and there began our very long lip tango - all the way to Penn Station and it continued at Penn Station. In fact, I walked you to your track at Long Island Rail Road and it continued there too.
I was smitten immediately; you not so much. There was someone else in your life, but you didn't know how serious it was, since you had only just met her a few weeks earlier. But that did not stop us from getting to know each other. We would instant message throughout the day; I would go visit you on your side of the office for long chunks of time - but they only felt like minutes. It always felt so easy with you. I also liked how you poked fun at me - I always deserve a good ribbing and you knew just how to make me laugh.
You became girlfriends with the girl shortly thereafter, but our friendship strengthened. Nearly a year later you told me that if we weren't co-workers, that things might be different for us. Nine months later we were no longer co-workers, but you were newly single. You were needing space from anything involving commitment - there were random one stands that you told me about and I quietly wished I could have at least kissed you. Then again, I too was going through the aftermath of a break-up and it was consuming me.
A couple of years ago you started dating your current girlfriend. I like her, but sometimes, I get the impression she's watching us like a hawk when you and I interact. Perhaps it is our body language or the excessive amount of laughter that occurs between us. You have broken up with her a couple of times, for reasons that need not be mentioned here. During those times, you spoke openly to me about the hurt that she had caused you. Ironically, I too was going through similar hurt with my ex-girlfriend. But nothing ever happened between you and I.
When I lost my job, you were the second person I called - after all, you had left the Network two years earlier and at that time, felt I should leave too. You offered me so much support and encouragement. Even via the telephone, I could tell how much you cared and felt for me. I was crying and yet, you didn't seem to be perturbed by it. You listened and made me laugh.
Whenever I see you, I feel my body immediately get relaxed - I feel so good around you. You really know how to make a girl smile. You encourage me, you seem to just truly value me for me as a person and I couldn't be luckier. When I entered your apartment on the last day of 2013, our eyes locked and we both smiled. "HEYYYYY!!!" We both exchanged a very loud and silly manner. Our arms went flying up and out and we approached each other for a terrific hug. I know my mind went immediately to thinking what it would be like to kiss you. This thought crossed my mind at least five times during the night and I reversed my decision to sleep over. I knew I couldn't stomach sleeping on the couch, knowing you two were both in bed only a few doors down.
You always call me out when I dwell on things' or when you think I am being mistreated (my ex-girlfriend was a prime example) - you know me better than I know myself sometimes. I love that about you. As the night came to a close, you were drunk, as was your girlfriend and I was slightly stoned. There were a few other people there and we were all sitting around the living room. Your girlfriend leaned in to kiss you and then you and I locked eyes, just like that night in October 2007. I felt my breath tighten and could hear myself desperately trying to gain some moisture in my mouth. My head immediately went down, but I was able to see your head move away and down from your girlfriend's request for intimacy. I don't know if this struck you the way it struck me.
I am so lucky to have your friendship and that is why I am hesitant to say anything. I also don't want to say anything because you seem to be happy with your girlfriend now. You have seemed to work things out despite the pain she caused you. That you were able to move on. This is why I fear my feelings might just have to go forever undisclosed.
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